OPINION|
Stop me if you’ve heard this one.
A sword swallower from Moldova walks into a Stronger Men’s Conference sponsored by James River Church on Friday, April 12 at the Great Southern Bank Arena.
He strips off his shirt and licks his sword before shoving it down his throat.
(I know what you’re thinking — this sounds like a scene from the 1982 classic erotic-movie “The Circus Swordsman.”)
But no. There is no such movie. That I know of.
With pulse-pounding music in the background, the deeply-muscled sword swallower ascends a large pole: sword in throat.
Then, upside down, he plummets like a rock, stopping inches from death.
Two things occur to me:
Is it asking too much for the bell choir at my church to up its game a bit?
Did anyone at James River ever think — what if he dies?
I’m not talking toe regeneration; I’m talking death. What would the message have been?
As far I know, there’s no story of Jesus juggling loaves while riding a unicycle on a high wire on the road to Philippi.
He’s been on ‘America’s Got Talent’
If this death-defying stunt sounds familiar, it’s because Alex Magala, the 34-year-old Moldovan, performed it on “America’s Got Talent” in 2013.
He also performed it on “Britain’s Got Talent” in 2016, adding a chainsaw. His face stopped mere inches from the running blade.
You might also recognize Magala for his role in the horror/erotic movie “Eerie Anecdotes — Party at Jill’s.” He takes off his shirt in this, too.
There’s more to this tale. It takes two days, after all, to be a stronger man in Christ.
On Day Two of the James River Stronger Men’s Conference, guest pastor Mark Driscoll — who some consider misogynistic for calling women “penis homes” on a church message board years ago — criticized the prior day’s sword-swallowing … what’s the right word? … Message? Stunt? Altar call?
“I want to be very careful with this, it’s not what I want to say,” Driscoll told the men. “But the Jezebel spirit has already been here. The Jezebel spirit opened our event. This is a rebuke and a correction of no one. This is an observation.”
(Jezebel is portrayed as a seductress in the Hebrew Scriptures.)
“Before the word of God was opened, there was a platform. There was a high place. On it was a pole — an Asherah. The same thing that’s used in a strip club for women who have the Jezebel spirit to seduce men.
“In front of that was a man, who ripped his shirt off, like a woman does, in front of a pole, like a strip club. That man, then ascended.
“You see, our God is not arrogant. He doesn’t ascend. Our God is humble, he descends.”
(Well, technically, there was that one time Christ did ascend.)
Lindell can be heard yelling at Driscoll: “You’re out of line Mark!”
“OK, Pastor John, I’ll receive that,” Driscoll then leaves the stage. He descends.
Lindell yells: “You’re done.”
Lindell then appears on stage to jeers and boos.
“If Mark wanted to say that,” Lindell says. “He should have said it to me first. Matthew 18, if your brother offends you, go to him privately. I talked to Mark for a half hour. There was not one word of that. He’s out of line. If he wanted to say it, he could say it to me. You may not agree with me. You may not agree with him. But we are brothers in Christ and there is a right way to handle this.”
Buy now! Before the price of being a stronger man goes up!
Now that the event is over, two of Lindell’s sons — David and Brandon — are breathlessly promoting next year’s Stronger Men’s Conference April 11-12, 2025.
The single adult price for a ticket is $199. But if you register now it’s $119.
The brothers say that 530 men “gave their hearts to Christ” on Friday and Saturday. It blew their minds.
“But our minds, while they are blown, are also pointing to what God is doing and is going to do next year.”
“2025 is coming like a freight train. (Speakers) Louie Giglio. Chad Veach. Earl McClellan. Plus so much more. So you want to get registered today. Because this week is the best price.”
This is Pokin Around column No. 175.
